


there is a sickness within you

by colombiche



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abstract, Mental Health Issues, POV Second Person, Poetry, Self-Hatred, but like also not a "sickness" yknow, its about, metaphorical illness kinda., negative, these r just general themes its kinda vague and vent-y but ah well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27341551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colombiche/pseuds/colombiche
Summary: A piece of prose poetry on being sick, wanting to get better, creating your own choices when you don't like the ones given to you, and a realisation.This was originally written as a vent piece.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	there is a sickness within you

**Author's Note:**

> theres no context or background to this at all except like, intense mental illness and self hatred. im doing fine rn, this is just an upload of smth i wrote wayyy at the beginning of quarantine when i felt awful.
> 
> format is smth i hadnt really tried before, but i quite liked how it turned out tbh. only edited slightly from the og vent that i scribbled into a notebook lol.

_there is a sickness within you._

> _would you like to kill it?_

[YES] [NO]

[ **YES** ] _too violent, too harsh, too unforgiving. where is your mercy? what if your sickness feels?_

[ **NO** ] _it spreads through you, festering in the flesh and rotting your core. you do nothing. it kills you._

_there is a sickness within you._

> _would you like some help?_

[YES] [NO]

[ **YES** ] _you go to your closest friend and tell them of your sickness. your friend grows fearful for you. "it is ugly," they say. "do not ever speak of it again.", so you don't. your sickness hurts like a feral pup. you ache to lick the festering wounds. one day, the ache stops, and you stop too._

[ **NO** ] _this will not be a repeat of last time. you hunt on your own for knowledge on what to do, but word of your sickness never leaves the back of your aching throat. no one else ever knows. too soon, your sickness spreads, and takes over every aspect of your life. your mornings, your evenings, your long, long nights overrun with a sick, desperate search, and then the sickness takes that too._

_there is a sickness within you._

> _what would you like to do?_

[LOOK FOR AN EXPERT'S ADVICE] [IGNORE IT UNTIL IT GOES AWAY]

[ **LOOK FOR AN EXPERT'S ADVICE** ] _the expert does not exist. the expert is you. you know nothing of your sickness, and your sickness kills you._

[ **IGNORE IT UNTIL IT GOES AWAY** ] _a struggle builds as you try to keep a spreading sickness contained. you ignore its call. it seems to work, until it doesn't, and you begin to feels worse and worse every day. when you finally check on your sickness, it devours you like a rabid dog, unforgiving and relentless. rotting flesh and festering core and all. nothing of you remains. your body is of the sickness._

_there is a sickness within-_

[NO]

_no?_

[THE SICKNESS IS NOT WITHIN. THE SICKNESS IS ME, AND I AM THE SICKNESS]

_hm. okay. fine._

_you are a sickness. you cannot change your very nature. you - the sickness - grow stronger until there is not human flesh nor human core left behind. a revolting sickness, a threat, a danger, a menace._

[NO-]

_your friends and family see your innate self. you - the **disgusting** sickness -, flayed open and raw and horrendous. they perceive your true self, and deem you lost forever, consumed by a sickness. consumed by yourself. _

[NO!]

_it - the sickness - your sickness - **you**_ _\- kill your very being._

> _are you happy now? to have discovered the sickness is you, and you are the sickness? intrinsically linked, forever inseparable?_

[NO]

_too bad. because that's what you are. a sickness. a blight on this world. your happiness is inconsequential. you will be eradicated soon, no matter what choices you make._

[...]

_there is a sickness within you, and that sickness is you, and that sickness will leave festering flesh and that sickness will rot your core and that sickness is your core. there is not a single part of you that is not sick._

_there never has been._

> _would you like to kill it?_

**Author's Note:**

> i dont write a whole lot, so any feedback in comments or kudos is really appreciated. thanks for reading <3


End file.
